C for Mental Health is a consociation of Nigerian students championing student mental health in Nigeria through meaningful discourse, advocacy and community engagement. Newsletters are by students for students!

I thought I had outgrown it. I thought I was over it all, but I was wrong. It's the same faces all over again. Deep down, you tell yourself that it's all fine and good until you see the faces you always wanted to run away from. Your whole world starts crumbling down, and guess what? They're tired of your face, too.

I thought these things would become all too irrelevant with time, but they're as relevant as ever. So, that's how it happened; this was my trigger. I feel like writing about something else because it's tiring; it's not something I want to write about.

The weird thing is that triggers are so loud yet so quiet. No one in the world would even notice that an explosion that has completely shattered your being has occurred; it'd be just another random day to them. The usual you, with your weird smile and the usual things you do every day. You know, it's a really weird thing to be human and be this fragile.

Why is it so hard to heal? Why do we so easily get traumatized and maybe never heal? Forgive me if I sound a little negative, but it can get tiring. I really just want fresh air. I don't want to be bothered by the eyes or the voices; I really just want to be free to think and breathe.

Why does it feel like I'm going around in circles? I literally ran far, far away just so that I could breathe, but now I'm back. I'm still the same boy; I haven't changed one bit. The same thing that haunted me many years ago still haunts me now. Right now, you just gotta learn to act like you're grown.

I really just want to run away and not look back, but then what's the point? It's within me; it can't leave. What's the solution? How do I heal from this? How do I find a way to just be free?

Why can't the world understand that not everyone becomes an adult? Yes, we start the 9-to-5, yes we may have facial hair and deeper voices, but it's the same child. The same random kid that loved wearing Vans. Once you have Fanta, life is easy.

I know it's almost like I'm venting, but triggers are real, and I just wanted to take you along my journey. I hope you find this helpful and don't feel like you're all alone. Many people have traumas that they don't even know about; many people struggle; many people don't know how to heal, and it's okay.

It's okay to have these weaknesses, but as I always say, it's not okay to just settle. I very much can't understand your struggle, but I know you've tried. I know you've put in a lot of effort to come out; I know you've been in a lot more pain than anyone could imagine.

I want you to know that you're doing your best, and you're going to win. It's a slow journey back, but it's possible. You just need to want to; that's all it takes. It might take months, probably years, and that's okay. It's just a step, and you'll begin your journey back home.

Hi, I’m Ifeanyi.

I express my struggles through my art, one of them being writing. I write about my struggles and my failures. I hope it’s relatable and you find healing in my words